As a senior, I was the hardest worker on my team.
I want you to hear how that sounds, because I said it like a compliment for about twenty-five years.
First one to practice, last one to leave. I took extra reps nobody asked for.
If there was running for punishment, I took it and never said a word. I did not just touch the line, I set the line.
Here is what I never told anybody. I was not working that hard because I loved my team. I was working that hard to prove I belonged and that I had value.
Effort was my hiding place.
The list that exposed me
Jon Gordon wrote a book called The Hard Hat that lays out twenty-one ways to be a great teammate. He pulled them from the life of George Boiardi, a Cornell lacrosse player who passed away on the field in 2004. George left behind a standard his teammates are still chasing today.
I found the book years ago and have handed it to my players and my own kids.
Number one on the list is Sweat More. I had that one covered, and I had no idea it was the easy one. I was a farm kid, so that was just our way of life.
Then you keep reading, and the list starts asking for things your legs cannot give. Communicate, connect, show you care, be a loyal friend, and love your team. These are things that can only come from deep inside your heart.
You can sweat alone. You cannot connect alone.
That is where I got exposed. It did not happen in the weight room, but in the moments between the reps when somebody needed me to be a real person. I could give my team my body all day long, but I had no idea how to give them my heart.
What athletes actually hide
Walk into any locker room in the country in August, and you will find athletes carrying something heavy. They have decided nobody can ever know what is really going on inside.
They are scared they cannot perform this year or that they do not belong. They do not understand the playbook and feel it is too late to ask. They are jealous of the teammate ahead of them, and it is eating them alive.
Something at home is falling apart while they hold it together with a smile and a lifting schedule. They are hurt, and hurt means the bench, and the bench means they lose their identity.
It does not always show up on the stat sheet. It always shows up when the game is on the line.
I spent years around dairy farms. The tank that holds the milk does not care what you tell it. It measures what is actually there every single time.
Your scoreboard is a bulk tank.
Hiding is a team problem
I thought my hiding was a private issue. I believed that as long as I ran the sprints and made the tackle, my inner world was my business.
That is a lie, and it costs your team deeply. Look at what hiding does to that list of twenty-one traits.
Don’t Complain is number six on the list. Complaining is rarely about the drill or the schedule. It is a pressure valve for something you refuse to name.
Hold Yourself and Your Team Accountable is number ten. You cannot hold a teammate accountable from behind a wall. The moment you call somebody higher, you invite them to look at you.
Hidden people do not confront. They complain, and the culture suffers.
Communicate is thirteen, and Connect is fourteen. Both require you to be visible and vulnerable. You cannot be known by somebody who cannot find you.
Show You Care is seventeen. Caring out loud costs you something. If the other person does not care back, you are standing there exposed.
Most athletes decide not to go first. They wait for somebody else to take the risk.
More than half of those twenty-one traits are impossible for a hiding teammate. They all need the same raw material, and it is not talent or physical effort. It is the willingness to be seen.
What you hide controls you
I sit with corporate and community leaders now, and it is the exact same story in nicer buildings. What we hide controls us. What we face transforms us.
The stuff you refuse to name does not stay quiet. It drives your decisions, picks where you sit at team meals, and keeps you silent when the culture slides.
You think you are managing it. You are not, because it is driving the bus.
The cruel part is that hiding looks like strength from the outside. Nobody watched me run gassers and thought I was terrified. They thought I was committed, but the truth is I was both.
Three moves before your season starts
Here are three practical moves you can make this week to step out from behind the wall and lock arms with your team.
- Speak the truth: Say one true thing to a teammate. Do not make it a heavy confession, just speak one honest word about your fears or challenges. You are practicing being seen.
- Ask for help: Ask a teammate for a second look at your film, a ride, or help with your footwork. Asking is the fastest way to stop hiding because you cannot posture and ask for help at the same time.
- Go first: Someone on your roster is waiting for permission to be human. Be the leader who spends their pride first and sets the standard for total trust.
The teammate everyone wants is not the person with nothing to hide.
It is the teammate who stopped hiding and chose to step into the light.
Have fun and #LeadEmUp
